First of all, I am really surprised that I can use this domain. Seems like Aerithia is an original name created by me, although I was thinking of Arythea from Mage Knight though.
Second, this is a blog meant as a journal. I will try not to post too many emo stuff here.
I do need to remember to take my fruit juice and charger from jeff's house later.
Now to the good part which Jeff wants to see, well, it doesn't really matter so much whether he actually reads this or not (is a lie). But here goes...
The question of the day is centered on the most important person of my life, whom has a clash with the most important pursue/hobby in my life, beauty.
And now I have to choose, person or beauty? Facial or Jeff?
I did forget to tell Jeff but I was already picturing in my head how I would create a board game inspired by the dilemmas I have been facing recently.
So, currently, where is my bias?
But honestly, I like going for facial, I just like it a lot. And being forced not to do something which I like a lot makes me feel sad. On the other hand, losing someone because of facial makes me feel sad too.
I am obsessed with my face. And to be forced not to go facial, whether it really helps or not, kills me. It really isn't that much about facial. It is me being forced to do something which I otherwise would have like to do a lot.
I am tired, and Journal, I know that I am not writing what actually happened. And I know very well that it is totally my fault that this happened. I wonder, what is the purpose of living without Jeffrey?
I believe I should be able to find, though staying alive no longer matters that much to me if he were to leave me. I may as well have died today and has gone to heaven, in which he has not arrived yet, and during that time I might as well live each day as it is. I do not have any big goals or aims, but I can create them if I really find living day by day without any activity boring (which I probably will).
And the TV also, somehow that is one of my biggest gripe in this argument. I believe that when he started talking, I have not uttered a single word but Jeff became more and more angry as he carried on that he smashed his TV, twice. I really shudder to imagine what his parents and grandma have to say when they found out. And perhaps if you are reading now Jeff you may just say that I don't need to care since I choose facial over you or something like that.
Honestly, I used to hate it when I imagine that after breakup you will be with some other girl, but now, I guess I don't really mind that much, or it may be just that I am tired and really don't have much room for emotions left.
Being with you has definitely been the happiest years of my life, but if I have to wake up from this sweet sweet dream and to realize that all it was has been an extremely long and happy night, well, I can only accept.
I am just sad that it has too be on your birthday. And I am too tired to make any sense and I start to wonder whether anything I have written above makes sense or is what I truly feel.
I am glad that I didn't give him the answer.
I am also glad that now I am completely broke after buying the cake, with only coins worth less than $2 in my pocket.
If I can sleep forever now.... well, wouldn't that be the same as dying.... why don't I say if I die now.... nah I prefer to sleep and dream.
